new stuff for the new year

ey! miss me? u better. haha! well. highlight of my week would have to be getting a new (WHAT ELSE?) phone last saturday :) YIPEE! i deserve it. my new mantra. i deserve it. i worked my butt off for this. check it out: http://www.motorola.com/consumer/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=44e25e014ac7c010VgnVCM1000008206b00aRCRD&show=productHome

guess which color's mine? hint: it's the same shade of outfit angelina jolie likes to wear almost all of the time... hmm?

OK... so. my "vacation"'s coming to an end in a few more hours. did i enjoy? hell yeah! did i get rest... mmmm, a little. i actually went back to the office last saturday to do some audits... and SHITTY! i got to see him again! SIGH... he even pointed out the fact that he was wearing the shirt i gave him. awwwwwwwwwww... sweetest ever.

OK... since i haven't been writing here for quite some time, here's my music list right now:

• delicate - damien rice
• someday - nina
• smile - tamia
• get up - ciara
• forever and ever amen - 8mm
• prelude 12/21 - AFI
• LOVESTONED - justin timberlake (i soooooooooooo love this song! transition is hot!)
• step up soundtrack is awesome
• non-believer - la rocca
• come to me - p. diddy and nicole scherzinger
• do it alone - sugarcult
• i can't get next to you - the temptations
• wolf like me - tv on the radio
• honey soundtrackis also hot
• what goes around, comes around - justin timberlake (in fact, his entire album rocks... as usual!)
• irreplaceable - beyonce
• half crazy (live) - freestyle
• sexy back and my love - justin timberlake (i'm nuts about this guy... not oo obvious, huh?)
• do it - nelly furtado
• happy feet soundtrack (song of the heart is soooooo cute!)

remember, this track list encompasses almost 5 months of me not logging in here, that's why some of them may be "old" songs.... i'm having trouble downloading songs actually. I DUNNO WHAT TO DOWNLOAD ANYMORE! i feel like i have everything here already. hee!

oh well. my thoughts are like, insane right now, so i'm not going to blurb here for long. tata!

there goes my life

wow! where do i begin? so the last post i had was back in... AUGUST????? yah. right. august. ok. so i've been REALLY busy. scratch that. extremely tired even to just write/type my feelings and thoughts and whatevers in here. but boy, did i miss it. so here goes...

i'm in love. definitely. absolutely. confirmed. good part, i see him everyday. bad part? he's married. with a kid. uh huh. or should i say uh-oh? you get the idea... or not. well, whatever. i just wanted to say it out loud. shout it from the mountaintops... or skyrise as it were. no mountains here. just buildings, malls, condos... ok, babbling. but i just realized that what i'm feeling now is the same thing i've felt when i was trying to figure out my feelings for my boyfriend. ok. did i not say i had a boyfriend? YUP. boyfriend. lover. partner. whatever you wanna call it. so there. long story short --> i'm in love with a man who's got a wife and kid (seems happy enough) and i have someone who loves me who i know i also love... talk about the tangled web we weave.

there's this quote i got from a forwarded text message: "it hurts when the person you love loves someone else and all you can do is continue loving him, watch him from a distance. you just walk away and say to yourself, "there goes my life"... it actually summarizes what i feel exactly. as of this moment, right now. every single freaking day. i go to his office and i'm reminded that he has a life with another woman. a seemingly happy life. eats up at me, really. i just am SO confused and paranoid and overwhelmed. i dunno why i'm working anymore. am i working for myself or for him or because of him? am i going insane? or am i just stupid? ok. don't answer that.

so many things have happened to me since i last posted... there was this incident with a co-worker who was fairly close to him and we got into a sort of falling out. i say "sort of" because i had NO IDEA what the fuck her problem was. and so i totally felt it that he was taking sides when that happened and i really hated him for a while. it was confirmed because apparently, other people felt the same way, or at least saw that he does take sides. bad trait to have, but i guess that's him.

so anyway, we've moved from one building to another (temporarily) and now it's been KINDA easier to see him everyday. i miss him, in the way that i don't really get to hang out with him anymore; our mode of communication is through instant messaging... which inadvertently, is the highlight of this blog. simply because he actually admitted he had a crush on me on said IM. of course when he wrote that, my heart skipped a beat, my knees went weak, i freaked out in my head, i tried so hard not to scream and i just totally went insane! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! if you knew me, you'd be laughing hysterically now. so yah. that made my week. maybe my year. i dunno.

and then there's this thing about getting people to volunteer to be OICs (officer in charge) and i was told by one of my co-workers that i should do that, i told her, i need to hear it from him. i need to know that he needs me. because there's this other girl at work, someone i USED to be close with and now for some weird reason, we've drifted apart. i just know things like that. you get caught up in your own world and next thing you know, months had gi=one by and you're not the same people as you were the lats time you were together. and i feel like people are pitting us against each other. i mean, he's really, really impressed with her and that just makes me green. yah, ok, envious. it just kills me. and now, people are pushing me to do this OIC thing, when the one person whose opinion matters the most wouldn't even open up a conversation about it with me. which just blows.

gosh it feels so good writing stuff down. not keeping it bottled up inside, ya know? coz THAT would really kill you. yah huh it's true.

so ok. maybe i'll shut up and save the rest for this month. hopefully with my upcoming VL, i get to fill this up some more. toodles!