Smallville Finale - A Goodbye that Lasts Forever

Any (tumblr) Smallville fan out there would tell you that anticipation for May 13th 2011 has been something of a rollercoaster of emotions that we can't seem to bottle up inside, hence the constant blogging and reblogging of posts that try to convey what we really feel inside. And yet, we all know that no words would truly sum up feelings we have after being witness to Clark Kent's final journey and Superman's reinvented introduction to the world in this, the final episode of our beloved television show.

Below is not a review of the episode, it is a simple thanks.

The moment the finale started I knew that I was going to be in for a really great ride - and I wasn't disappointed. Smallville sure delivered and it packed the first punch in the "previously on". It was such a great treat seeing all the super moments that led to this finale. And then we see Chloe reading a (of all things) DC COMIC BOOK entitled "Smallville" to her young son. Cut to "SEVEN YEARS EARLIER" subtitle and a shot of what looked to be like the sun hurtling towards Earth, and we're off! Cue Smallville theme song.

Credits included Allison Mack - that made me very happy!

And thank you, Smallville for bringing back Jimmy's brother in the form of Aaron Ashmore =) Very poignant.


Chloe Sullivan - Queen and Oliver Queen / Chlollie

I admit that I wasn't a Chloe fan when Smallville debuted back in 2001, but Allison Mack's performance endeared this character to me very much; and I absolutely adore the actress! And so it is with great appreciation that I give Al, Turi, Kelly and Brian a tip of the hat and a warm embrace for giving my Chloe a truly fantastic goodbye. Speculation of whether the boy in the promos was her son should have been certainty because it was pretty obvious he shared her and Oliver's genes =) The moments she had with Oliver were all blissful, especially the the-world-is-ending-again kiss they shared. The last hug she had with Clark had me hugging my own pillow and muffling my sobs because it was just too damn heartbreaking.

Oliver overcoming the darkness with Clark's help proved just how deep their friendship has become and how much they both value the relationship. For a character that's well-known for smart-ass quips and one-liners, Oliver is very much the consummate best friend/best man/hero/go-to guy - and he's the best at it =) I actually loved the character development of Oliver Queen and how it played into his future with Chloe and Clark, even Tess and Lois. It's very admirable to play a hero without superpowers alongside the most powerful and well-known and beloved heroes of all time and still be meaningful. What Justin Hartley did with Oliver Queen as the invisible yet omnipresent friend has always been underrated but has forever been appreciated and loved and in this finale, his star definitely shone bright.

Tess Mercer/Lutessa Luthor

I actually gasped when she died. I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING! I thought the promos were misleading! I thought she'd have her happy ending too! But I understood now. Smallville wouldn't be Smallville without heart-wrenching scenes like this. Cassidy Freeman acted her heart out - and I have to say, what a way to go! To die in the arms of Michael Fucking Rosenbaum - wow. The last words Tess uttered were just a beautiful tribute to Clark; she'll always love him, whether romantically or as a friend, I don't really care at this point. I just know that because of Clark, she was a better person and I'm glad she went out guns blazing (i.e. her final payback - giving Lex a complete memory makeover). She was the best BAMF introduced to the show and in a weird way, I loved her death because it was so poetic. In my world, Clark and Tess have dozens of flying babies and live happily ever after =)

Lois Lane / Clois

If you've seen my blog, you would know right away that I am not a huge Lois Lane fan. But given that this was the finale, I gave her a chance =) The parts that stood out for me were the door scene, the aisle scene and the Air Force One scene. First things first: that door scene could have gone so wrong and so cheesy, but Tom and Erica made it work and I thank them for that. And then there was the walk down the aisle scene. It's beginning to be one of my most favorite moments in Smallville ever and it's partly because of the song used: Sara Bareilles' Breathe Again. It's a song I associated with another tv show, but now I will forever remember Smallville by. Right from the moment the music started and Clark touched and held Lois's hand and then they started walking down the aisle together, I was a miserable, watery, bloodshot eyes mess. By the time the camera showed Pa Kent, I literally lost it and started really sobbing then. Thank God I was in my bedroom because if somebody saw me, they would think I was crying over someone in my family dying. And lastly, the sweet scene of Lois pressed against the airplane window seeing Clark FLYING in the suit for the first time and Clark coming over and they share a smile. Sweetest. scene. ever.

Michael Rosenbaum and John Glover

I admit I wasn't expecting Lionel 2.0 to be back but I was glad he was there for the end. I've never loved and hated a character as much as Lionel and it was fitting that he ushered back Lex from the dead and be the body that Darkseid possesses. That scene with Clark in the barn was just unbelievably phenomenal!!! I loved every second of it!



As for Rosie, well, the hype for his return did not eclipse the actual return, so I'm happy about that too =) All of his scenes were of course standouts! My favorite part would have to be his very cleverly quipped remark to his nemesis when Clark said his name: "You still say it the same way: astonishment, with a hint of dread, yet... with a hopeful finish." Whoever wrote that line is now my favorite person after Tom Welling. Clark and Lex facing off again and Clark saying sorry for not being able to save Lex (sob!) and Lex calling Tess "sis" were just wish dreams that have come true! Rosie and Cassidy were both so AMAZING in their scene together; they had the right combination of scary, pitiful, loving, evil and vengefulness. Cassidy held her own with Michael and that was something to see, I loved every second of the short time they were together on screen. And even though it was at Tess's demise that Lex rises again, it's OK. Rosenbaum's return really solidified him as THE Lex Luthor of our time. Thank you, Rosie.

The Kents (Jonathan and Martha)

And now I will try my best not to cry my eyes out while writing this part. For someone who values family above all, I have to say that The Kents have been one of, if not the, best written parents on TV in a very long time. The primary reason I started to regularly watch Smallville was not because of Clana at all. Surprisingly, even for me, it was because of Clark and his relationship with HIS PARENTS. It was a relationship that went beyond blood and that's really special. The scene with Martha and Clark in the Kent house started the ball rolling for me... and my tears. Everything Martha said was right, and I did take offense when Clark refused to budge. I couldn't believe that he actually wanted to go through with selling the farm. Maybe it was the sentimental part of me screaming then, trying to shout sense into him. Then there was the walk down the aisle again and a reveal of Jonathan standing beside Martha. Right then, I doubled over with sobs, it was ugly. The scene in the barn with all 3 of them was my favorite because it didn't look like Clark was going nuts, it looked right - it felt safe. It was home. When they embraced and the camera showed the 3 of them huddled together by the window... that was perfect. And when Jonathan said "It's time", I broke down again and tried not to hyperventilate (I have asthma).



The love of a mother and father is the one constant thing that I treasure: it is unconditional. These two people, who were destined to be the parents of the greatest hero the world has ever known, will always be my Ma and Pa Kent - the best thing that could have happened to Clark.

Clark Kent

Being that he is my favorite character in the show, I kinda feel pressure in making this last entry as awesome as he is - but I won't. I'll just tell the truth and write from the heart; so here goes.



Everybody keeps talking about what Smallville was NEVER about: that it was not about Clana or Clois, Chlark or Chlollie, Cless or Clex; or it wasn't about Superman. Let me just say what Smallville actually IS about: Clark Kent. We always have to remember that Smallville was and is an origins show, it always has been. It's about the last son of Krypton sent to Earth by his parents to be saved from extinction and be raised by humans. It's about Clark fulfilling the destiny encapsulated in the crystals that came with his space ship - a destiny that was even drawn on cave walls. It's about Clark discovering that being righteous and just and kind are all the things he would need to fulfill his destiny and find his path; that being raised by human parents made him as much of a hero as it did having superpowers, like what his father Jor-El said.



I've already said everything I could about Tom Welling in my previous blog, but his performance in tonight's finale deserves praise and commendation. Having played Clark Kent for so long can be monotonous and the audience can take you for granted for it since they see you in every single episode. I don't know what it is, maybe it's his charisma, but Tom seems to keep it fresh and look new each and every time he's on screen. The little nuances he's developed and perfected works to his advantage and it endears him even more to the audience. That's why when he stepped onto the rooftop of the Planet and started to take off this shirt to reveal that iconic suit underneath, we cheered, we screamed, we cried.

The Clark-centric scenes that stood out the most for me are a combination of the obvious and obscure, maybe even underrated:

1. Of course I have to go with the shirt rip!
2. The Clois airplane moment. SO SWEET!
3. The walk down the aisle
4. The Kents in the barn
5. Clark and Lex reunion
6. Chlark embrace
7. Clois door moment
8. Clark and Oliver fight
9. Clark and Jonathan in the cemetery
10. Martha and Clark in, what could be called, an argument
11. Bumbling Clark
12. Clark LEVITATING and FINALLY FLYING OUT OF THE FORTRESS! and the quick change!!! yey!
13. Clark's memories/trials in the Fortress
14. Clark and Darkseid!Lionel fight

In the end for me, it comes down to the song that was played several times in the show, Sara Bareilles' "Breathe Again". The way the song starts off, and after seeing how it was used in the finale, I now firmly believe it was made to rip your heart out of your chest while you're choking on tears and bawling your eyes out:

"car is parked, bags are packed but what kind of heart doesn't look back at the comfortable glow from the porch, the one i will still call yours?"

IMO, Smallville producers picked the song, not just for Clois, but as a goodbye FOR THE FANS. The lyrics but what kind of heart doesn't look back I think is the producers' way of saying thank you to the fans, looking back on the memories, looking back to the people who loved the show before they move on. I thought it was a beautiful tribute and while I was writing this, I got choked up again and am now fighting back tears because I'm afraid that I'll get sick after crying so much.

As I myself try to move on from 10 years of watching the best show on television, I am also looking back. I look back at myself, then a 19 year old college student just doing my thing, not a care in the world, not knowing that something as simple as a TV show would change my life forever. A decade later, I still feel the 19 year-old in me. She's older now, hopefully wiser, and yet the wonder of that night in October 2001 still lives in her memory, triggered by the final scenes of a beloved show. Smallville, you've been my life, you've been my crutch. This blog entry may end but in my heart, I will always say a goodbye to you that lasts forever. Thank you for the memories and I'll see you around.

the death of a terrorist

i awoke to notification on (of all places) tumblr saying that osama bin laden was dead. like everybody else, i thought it was another false alarm since there wasn't any announcement from the president or pictures backing up said claim. but then obama came on tv and proclaimed that special ops agents did indeed kill bin laden and (at that time) had his body at a nearby u.s. airbase in pakistan. below is obama's historical speech:

"Good evening. Tonight, I can report to the American people and to the world that the United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama bin Laden, the leader of Al-Qaeda, and a terrorist who's responsible for the murder of thousands of innocent men, women, and children.
"It was nearly 10 years ago that a bright September day was darkened by the worst attack on the American people in our history. The images of 9/11 are seared into our national memory - hijacked planes cutting through a cloudless September sky; the Twin Towers collapsing to the ground; black smoke billowing up from the Pentagon; the wreckage of Flight 93 in Shanksville, Pennsylvania, where the actions of heroic citizens saved even more heartbreak and destruction.
"And yet we know that the worst images are those that were unseen to the world. The empty seat at the dinner table. Children who were forced to grow up without their mother or their father. Parents who would never know the feeling of their child's embrace. Nearly 3,000 citizens taken from us, leaving a gaping hole in our hearts.
"On September 11, 2001, in our time of grief, the American people came together. We offered our neighbours a hand, and we offered the wounded our blood. We reaffirmed our ties to each other, and our love of community and country. On that day, no matter where we came from, what God we prayed to, or what race or ethnicity we were, we were united as one American family.
"We were also united in our resolve to protect our nation and to bring those who committed this vicious attack to justice. We quickly learned that the 9/11 attacks were carried out by Al-Qaeda - an organisation headed by Osama bin Laden, which had openly declared war on the United States and was committed to killing innocents in our country and around the globe. And so we went to war against Al-Qaeda to protect our citizens, our friends, and our allies."Over the last 10 years, thanks to the tireless and heroic work of our military and our counterterrorism professionals, we've made great strides in that effort. We've disrupted terrorist attacks and strengthened our homeland defence. In Afghanistan, we removed the Taliban government, which had given bin Laden and Al-Qaeda safe haven and support. And around the globe, we worked with our friends and allies to capture or kill scores of Al-Qaeda terrorists, including several who were a part of the 9/11 plot.
"Yet Osama bin Laden avoided capture and escaped across the Afghan border into Pakistan. Meanwhile, Al-Qaeda continued to operate from along that border and operate through its affiliates across the world.
"And so shortly after taking office, I directed Leon Panetta, the director of the CIA, to make the killing or capture of bin Laden the top priority of our war against Al-Qaeda, even as we continued our broader efforts to disrupt, dismantle, and defeat his network.
"Then, last August, after years of painstaking work by our intelligence community, I was briefed on a possible lead to bin Laden. It was far from certain, and it took many months to run this thread to ground. I met repeatedly with my national security team as we developed more information about the possibility that we had located bin Laden hiding within a compound deep inside of Pakistan. And finally, last week, I determined that we had enough intelligence to take action, and authorized an operation to get Osama bin Laden and bring him to justice.
"Today, at my direction, the United States launched a targeted operation against that compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan. A small team of Americans carried out the operation with extraordinary courage and capability. No Americans were harmed. They took care to avoid civilian casualties. After a firefight, they killed Osama bin Laden and took custody of his body.
"For over two decades, bin Laden has been Al-Qaeda's leader and symbol, and has continued to plot attacks against our country and our friends and allies. The death of bin Laden marks the most significant achievement to date in our nation's effort to defeat Al-Qaeda.
"Yet his death does not mark the end of our effort. There's no doubt that Al-Qaeda will continue to pursue attacks against us. We must - and we will - remain vigilant at home and abroad.
"As we do, we must also reaffirm that the United States is not - and never will be - at war with Islam. I've made clear, just as President Bush did shortly after 9/11, that our war is not against Islam. Bin Laden was not a Muslim leader; he was a mass murderer of Muslims. Indeed, Al-Qaeda has slaughtered scores of Muslims in many countries, including our own. So his demise should be welcomed by all who believe in peace and human dignity.
"Over the years, I've repeatedly made clear that we would take action within Pakistan if we knew where bin Laden was. That is what we've done. But it's important to note that our counterterrorism cooperation with Pakistan helped lead us to bin Laden and the compound where he was hiding. Indeed, bin Laden had declared war against Pakistan as well, and ordered attacks against the Pakistani people.
"Tonight, I called President Zardari, and my team has also spoken with their Pakistani counterparts. They agree that this is a good and historic day for both of our nations. And going forward, it is essential that Pakistan continue to join us in the fight against al Qaeda and its affiliates.
"The American people did not choose this fight. It came to our shores, and started with the senseless slaughter of our citizens. After nearly 10 years of service, struggle, and sacrifice, we know well the costs of war. These efforts weigh on me every time I, as Commander-in-Chief, have to sign a letter to a family that has lost a loved one, or look into the eyes of a service member who's been gravely wounded.
"So Americans understand the costs of war. Yet as a country, we will never tolerate our security being threatened, nor stand idly by when our people have been killed. We will be relentless in defence of our citizens and our friends and allies. We will be true to the values that make us who we are. And on nights like this one, we can say to those families who have lost loved ones to Al-Qaeda's terror: Justice has been done.
"Tonight, we give thanks to the countless intelligence and counterterrorism professionals who've worked tirelessly to achieve this outcome. The American people do not see their work, nor know their names. But tonight, they feel the satisfaction of their work and the result of their pursuit of justice.
"We give thanks for the men who carried out this operation, for they exemplify the professionalism, patriotism, and unparalleled courage of those who serve our country. And they are part of a generation that has borne the heaviest share of the burden since that September day.
"Finally, let me say to the families who lost loved ones on 9/11 that we have never forgotten your loss, nor wavered in our commitment to see that we do whatever it takes to prevent another attack on our shores.
"And tonight, let us think back to the sense of unity that prevailed on 9/11. I know that it has, at times, frayed. Yet today's achievement is a testament to the greatness of our country and the determination of the American people.
"The cause of securing our country is not complete. But tonight, we are once again reminded that America can do whatever we set our mind to. That is the story of our history, whether it's the pursuit of prosperity for our people, or the struggle for equality for all our citizens; our commitment to stand up for our values abroad, and our sacrifices to make the world a safer place.
"Let us remember that we can do these things not just because of wealth or power, but because of who we are: one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
"Thank you. May God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America."

i've watched and rewatched this 5 times already and each time i always say "thank you, mr. president." i don't need pictures to prove that osama's dead. just like bin laden's death not being able to bring back the victims of september 11th, a photograph of a dead bin laden will not bring back the dead or change the past. it's just true confirmation that he was killed. i still have faith in the goodness of people, i still have faith in a man's word - in this case, obama's word. his speech said everything; he wouldn't have said all of those things were they not true. why would he fabricate something like this especially now?

despite what conspiracy theorists, critics or cynics say, i am just thankful that justice was finally served. it may have been a long time coming, but it's here nonetheless. i hope that this is the start of PEACE, not more war. God knows we need more of the first.

thank you, tom welling

it's nearing the end of smallville and i am extremely sad, especially after having read interviews from kelly souders and brian petersen about the finale. being emotional about a tv show is dumb for some people but i found out that i am not alone in feeling morose about all this. there are 6 million people, give or take, who watched the show and loved it and are probably also saying their goodbyes in their own ways, bidding adieu to a tv show that was more than a tv show. this is my goodbye.

looking through different sites and blogs and social networking webbies, i'm struck that fans are quick to thank supporting cast members first and not the main star of the show. we all have our "ships", but i am respectful enough to acknowledge the one person who deserves the most thanks: tom welling. from the very beginning, he had made it clear that he didn't want anything to do with smallville, citing that producers were not giving enough details about the plot and theme of the show. totally understandable, given that during that time, he was known as ashton kutcher's model friend who had bit parts in sometimes forgettable and uninspired shows. he was a nobody, by industry standards. but thanks to the wb's persistence, and tom's inevitable acceptance of the iconic role, the new pilot now had a young clark kent.

i remember seeing promos, reading articles and hearing from my classmates in college about smallville back in 2001. september 11th hadn't happened yet and everything was easier, calmer, a better place. i was getting excited for this, preparing my vcr to tape my shows and adding this to a long list of things to watch. as a girl who only had homework, thesis papers and projects to worry about at the time, i was content with watching my shows and expounding on them, giving my opinions and complaints to my journal - eventually discovering blogging and continuing my uninhibited criticism of them there.

when the twin towers were bombed and america was attacked, i remembered feeling desolate, lost and depressed. even though i didn't lose anybody in the tragedy, i was still empathetic. i was still grieving. i was still crying for people i never knew and yet hearing about things they did before they died made me ache. i needed a distraction, some sort of solace.

i remember mayor giuliani giving this speech at one of the countless events he was invited to to commemorate september 11th victims. he said continue with your lives. reopen broadway, we NEED normalcy, we NEED entertainment. we NEED our lives back. and so it did. broadway would eventually turn its lights back on, new yorkers would return to work and the everyday hustle and bustle would come back, albeit slowly. and that's where i found my solace. my savior. my superman.

having rewatched the pilot episode last friday, i was awash with emotions as i mentally time-traveled back to that moment when i first turned on my tv and saw little lana lang granting martha kent a wish. i cried. i cried so much, my body was shaking, my tears were flowing non-stop and i may have felt my heart ache for a second. i cried because i was so grateful that at a time when we needed heroes, there was this show reintroducing us to one, making us forget that there was a world in chaos and in mourning. i was so overwhelmed that i doubled over and sobbed my heart out, i couldn't watch the first half of the show.

when i calmed down, i mentally thanked jerry siegel for creating this character; this lovable, respectable, inspiring character who is now, more than ever, a great symbol of hope. then i thanked him for creating the kents. as much as i watched the show for welling, i also watched the show for john and martha. like any other child who loves her parents, these two endeared themselves to me. i wanted to be like them when i became a parent myself. there's something admirable about raising a child right, and a superhero at that! i respected the fact that they didn't cut clark any slack, even though he could (if he wanted to) disobey them and just do anything he wanted, regardless of the consequences.

after the characters, the actors got my attention. jonathan scheneider and annette o'toole gave john and martha kent such souls and hearts that it was difficult to identify them as individuals portraying characters onscreen. i loved and adored them as clark's surrogate parents. i missed them terribly when they were written off the show, paving way for the other half of clark's journey to being superman. but the foundation they built will never be diminished: it lives in clark.

thanking tom for accepting this once-in-a-lifetime role is proving to be a difficult task to complete. i don't even know where to begin! let me start with the first image that popped into my head just now: an older, wiser clark kent walking towards a seemingly just-ended funeral for a friend, a fresh grave was dug and a lone man was standing beside it, possibly paying his last respects. fans know that this is a pivotal moment in smallville: clark kent going to a closed off funeral for the murdered lionel luthor, who died at the hands of his own son - the same man standing, possibly gloating, over his father's grave. the fact that this scene was shot with no dialogue only made it even more compelling. at this time, clark and lex have already drifted apart as brothers/friends. they are now truly arch enemies facing off and throwing invisible gauntlets at each other. it worked because michael rosenbaum threw in a smirk, as if to say, "i dare ya. kill me." it worked because tom welling faced him dead on, angry and formidable. they were truly superman and lex luthor in that moment.

there have been many memorable moments in smallville that i can recount for you, but i would just have you buy the dvds and watch them all - as i know that they will definitely change your attitude towards life after watching. i cited the above scene because it's scenes like those that make me appreciate tom welling each and every time i rewatch an episode. yes, he's cute, undeniably so - just visit my blog! it is one of the prerequisites to being the man of steel. but aside from his looks, he brings so much more to the table.

some might say he can't act properly to save his life, but i beg to disagree. not because i'm biased, but because i've come to a realization - that his incredible acting abilities are completely eclipsed by his super handsome good looks. but once you get past that (it may take a decade!), you realize that he has perfect timing, exquisite execution and undeniable fearlessness. his ability to be puppy dog clark, sad clark, sweet clark, angry clark, stumped clark, scared clark and any other emotion tends to tug at your heart, feel his pain, melt with giddiness and just appreciate that he goes the extra mile to evoke those feelings from the audience.

then there are the costumes. the show had a "no tights, no flights" rule - which i thought was so ingenius; but they compromised by incorporating the superman colors onto clark's definitive wardrobe making his shirt collection limited as to what colors he can wear. but tom bore it all. at first, the colors (red and blue primarily) were subtly added - he wore a yellow shirt once, but as the years went by, he was recognized by a blue shirt and red jacket, with the colors interchanged sometimes. enduring that for a year would have been admirable. doing it for 10 is very much respectable. it's not that tom didn't have a say - he would become one of the executive producers of the show after a few years - but he didn't shy away from wearing the iconic (primary and boring) colors. and that's one other reason why i love him.

and then there are those scenes. you know! the scenes where he's making strange faces so that his reactions are more realistic and believable? so that we'd buy into whatever is supernaturally happening to him? those scenes. when you talk to yourself, you may think you're crazy or eccentric. when you react to nothing, you may be crazy, not even eccentric. and that's what i admire so much about tom. he makes the scene work. he makes you believe that he really is in so much pain because the green kryptonite is slowly killing him. he makes you believe that the kryptonian symbol scarred on his chest was burning and hurting him. as bizarro, he makes you believe that he's getting extremely powerful by reenergizing using kryptonite. his googly-eyed face, his crazy in love face, his confused face, his panicked face... they're all now etched in my brain's file cabinet labeled as such and is part of the reason why i adore tom so much! he makes you believe that he really can see through solid objects; that he really does have super hearing, super strength and super breath! as kal-el, he made you believe again that a man CAN fly. and i am thankful for that. because he made me believe, he also made me forget. forget about whatever was troubling me at that time, forget that i had problems for an hour. forget that i was me.

lastly, i'm thankful that he never tired. sometimes the continued success of a tv show depends on the lead star. remember when johnny depp left 21 jump street and it was never the same? if tom had left smallville early on in its inception, it would've been a goner. yes, the producers could have picked some other tall, dark and handsome guy to play ck, but no one can compare to tom's charisma and ownership of said iconic role. ten years working on a show is a feat. you can get burned out, exhausted, irritated with your co-stars, etc. but tom hung in there. and despite what others think, i say that that is tom's greatest gift to the fans, it showed he cares for us, for the character he's portrayed and for the overall well-being of the show. it's a testament to his dedication, loyalty and foresight - he knew where the show was going and he stuck with it =)

i could ramble on and on and on but bottomline is really also just the simple truth: smallville lasted 10 years because of tom welling. and now that the show is 16 episodes closer to its series finale, i am in awe and very appreciative of the time, effort and hardwork that tom put in to all of this just so we could have an hour of forgetting our own problems and living our superhero fantasies. 30 years from now, i will be proud to say that i was witness to this man giving our generation inspiration and reason to believe, once again, that a man can fly.

thank you very much, tom welling. we really do owe you.

song of the day - one republic, all this time

young victoria

i initially didn't want to watch this because i thought this would be another boring old period film. proved me wrong because although it was about a piece of english monarchy history, the way it was edited/directed wasn't so boring at all! i wish ALL period films are done the same way.

i had already seen the devil wears prada and a knight's tale so i knew who emily blunt and paul bettany were. i didn't know the guy who played prince albert was though so i was curious. high praises are in order for her majesty, emily blunt. it's a tour-de-force performance and she deserved a golden globe/oscar for it. she portrayed the role with such tenacity and complexity but it was difficult not to fully empathize and sympathize with her (victoria's) plight. based on what i found out from the movie, victoria was a descendant of kings george and william. before she was 18 and old enough to be a queen, her mother and sir john conroy was trying to force her to sign papers that would turn over power to them but in her sickbed she refused.

she ended up corresponding and meeting prince albert of saxe-coburg and eventually they fall in love.

there are several notable scenes/moments in the movie i adore, one of which was victoria's proposal to albert. the way that it was executed was so cute and sweet and very emotional. you can't help but fall in love with them.

another was between victoria, john conroy and victoria's mom - victoria maria louisa of saxe-coburg. it was so powerful and i really loved emily's line delivery at the end. john was manhandling victoria because he wants her to give over power to him and be her executor for everything since she was too young to be queen because king william had volunteered at that time to give her extra allowance. victoria's line was:

Princess Victoria: [to her mother]

Oh, and if you think that I will ever forget that you stood by silent and watched him treat me thus, you are dreaming!

then there was the assassination and prince albert taking a bullet for queen victoria and how victoria professes her undying love for him and him for her and they live happily ever after. a true fairytale and it was so satisfying to watch!

business is business apparently

so i work for this company that prides itself on being the awesomest place to work at anywhere in the world, right? and yet the longer i'm here, the more suffocated i feel. i know sometimes airing out emotions online are not ideal, but i've got nowhere to go. besides friends and family, there's the internet so let's use it since it's at our disposal anyways. here goes...

my boss recently commented on a post i made on facebook:

aren't you even going to ask our OPINION on the matter? can't take a suggestion, i guess. dictatorship at it's best.

she commented the following:

Business is never a democracy. Rules were made by government for businesses to follow. They weren't asked for their opinion either. =)

then i said:

i respect business decisions boss. i can't seem to swallow it right now... maybe if i get the hang of it after some time. =) will stay optimistic!

to which she commented:

Great to know you will try to stay optimistic. =) We can surely talk about it some more when I see you. Maybe some clarification would help. =) Kaya mo yan!!

i was supposed to reply something along the lines of "i just thought we had a say on the matter" but deleted it and changed the reply to something more respectful and cordial to appease her. it's still a public site and i was actually embarrassed when i saw her comment on my rant. i can't help but feel like i was unfairly taken advantage of because i worked my butt off each and every day i've been at work and then they take away the one thing that we, i, have the most tangible piece of insurance: bonuses. i guess it wasn't really to take it away but a business decision recently made affects everyone so negatively that i can't help but be emotional about it. suddenly there's no guarantee anymore.

uncertainty never sat well with me. i hate it. it's up there with regret and guilt.

granted that i still have a couple of weeks to adjust to the idea of this new and improved system, i still feel like puking. it left such a sour taste in my mouth that i may not be able to focus as much as i have been doing lately.

we all have goals and dreams and plans. this? this was not part of my plan. and i HATE adjusting! i've had enough of it already from my last workplace. i adjusted and it got me nowhere because the politicking was so under the table and so evil already that i was surprised i still had some integrity when i left. i just can't shake the feeling that this is not gonna end well.

what pisses me off too is that she (my boss) said business was never a democracy. ha! the fact that it was even created proves that it was born out of democratic thoughts and ideas. yeah, but i do know what she was talking about so yeah she still has a point. i'm just stubborn. and i like that.

anyway, i'll probably not think about it in the long run not until someone brings it up again or maybe when i'm already doing it. but in the meantime, let me wile away on my sites and watch my show/s...

he's just too adorable, i could die!

the good ol' days

i'm writing this 3/15/2011 and i've got a BAZILLION of things on my mind... where to find money to pay off loans, what to do about my scorecard, how i'm gonna survive this next 2 weeks, the end of one of my favorite shows, the laundry, money, money, money... then there's the tsunami.

first things first, i guess. i have some priority issues and i wanna address them here. just to get my mind off of things. sometimes it helps to let it out... just not sure if i should let it out in the internet. but here goes...

i was a child who was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. i miss those days. who wouldn't? i'm the youngest of 3 and was always the last to find out about things. growing up in a private subdivision where there were guards ready and willing to serve, maids at our beck and call, drivers at our disposal and cash to burn - i was living the high life. i was 5. for the past couple of months - maybe even years - i've been reminiscing about my days in that house i grew up in. it was huge! 7 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, a huge parlor, a backyard that once had a pool, 2 garages, a sprawling frontyard and our green mango/indian mango tree.

i was lucky. i went to a private school that was accessible since our village was right beside it and i was never late nor absent. we would go on trips to the U.S. and out of town for the summer. my cousin also mentioned once (when i was older) that my parents would change cars like they changed clothes. wow. i didn't really notice because i was young, but come to think of it, yeah, we did have new cars every year!

when i think about it now, i get teary-eyed. how we lost everything so fast, i may never know the full details. all i was told was my mom got swindled out of money she had come across and the next thing i knew, we were moving out of my childhood home and in to a 2 bedroom apartment that was 1/8 of the size of my former abode. it was a joke. being the positive thinker that i was, i tried to tell my parents that i loved it there. looking back now, i realize that i lied. it was horrible living there. i felt suffocated, confined and trapped. yes, i had a good friend living nearby and we hung out a lot, but i was always jealous of how much bigger their condo was compared to ours. it was a nightmare.

and now that i'm turning 29 in a few weeks, i can't help but think and wish for those years back. i wish i could have seen the future and was a given a chance to change my present so that i would have a better life now. if i had a delorian and could travel back in time, i'd warn my past self about today and what i'm feeling and make her DO SOMETHING TO STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING.

at 29 i am broke. i've no money to show for myself and i am still living with my parents. in a country like ours, that's acceptable and is thought nothing of. i work my ass off everyday, but daily needs and some advanced purchases i've made would end up eating away at my hard-earned pay and i am soon left with almost nothing to make it through until the next payday. i'm literally living paycheck to paycheck. and yet i'm content. strangely enough, knowing what i've lost i am still proud to say i'm content. i think of people who have nothing and i am humbled. at least i have this netbook i'm typing and surfing the internet with - my connection to the world. at least i have a job. at least my parents are still here. at least i'm still alive.

the expression "you don't know what you've got til it's gone" sums up my life. i just am now realizing it. i live that quote. i am that saying. and i want it to change.

there's this podcast i listen to from time to time that was created because of a fictional character was too inspiring for tv that she had to have her thoughts recorded and aired on itunes. peyton sawyer is me. i am peyton sawyer. i'm the chick who loves angry growly rock, is a lyric girl and wants nothing more than to curl up in bed and drink hot chocolate while rain pounds on the roof. at my lowest point she's saved me and i hope to do the same for whoever's reading this now. i wanna tell you that it's all going to be okay. it might not be now, it might not be later, but it WILL BE. trust me. for a girl who lives by quotes and tv shows, movies, music and food, i do know what the hell i'm talking about.

this is the first time i've aired out this stuff and it's making me feel calmer now. i think it's better this way - ranting online and not really sure who's gonna be reeled in to read and ponder about the nonsensical things you've written. i think it's better that way. anonymity is heaven - it's like a huge, fluffy, warm comforter i like to snuggle and get lost in.

so before i lose sleep, i just want to say to me: keep the faith. it's there for you to have.

ciao.

black swan

this movie is definitely memorable because i got sick while watching this... now i'm at home in bed typing away as i wipe my runny nose with tissue and drink water even as my stomach revolts. some people enjoy being in bed and being sick. i don't.

back to the task at hand. i had heard about black swan last year because i heard it was a movie about ballet. note: i am a huge ballet fan - i studied ballet as a child and am familiar with terminology so i don't really get lost with ballet jargon when i hear them =) also, i love french - but i digress. the last ballet movie i'd seen (and loved) was titled centerstage starring a then-unknown zoe saldana (avatar). it was a quirky, cutesy teenage poppy film about how it's like auditioning for a slot in a ballet company and what they go through in order to get there (training, technique and such). black swan turned ballet on its head and sat on it. this is NOT your mother's ballet.

the movie actually jars you mentally and visually as it starts off with a shaky camera (my friend complained all the way through the movie that she was getting dizzy because of the camera movement) and natalie as nina sayers performing some ballet warm ups in front of a full-length mirror as she prepares for rehearsal.

on hindsight, now that i think about it, aronofsky did everything on purpose: the camera movement was done so because there were some pretty cool visual effects that worked well with it. i particularly loved the subtle vfx: natalie's skin would take on a scale-like texture in some scenes (you really have to look very closely or at least be very observant) and the very clever use of mirrors.

performance-wise, natalie really owned this. she deserves all the accollades and awards and very warm compliment from david letterman about her acting after he'd seen the movie. she does deserve the oscar. the subtle facial and attitude changes switching from nina to the black swan was so uncanny and only she could've pulled it off. great thing about this also is that all the actors embodied their characters. i wouldn't say that mila kunis would be right as nina because she was perfect as lily. great casting, by the way =) portman and kunis looked a lot like each other enough to confuse the two of them ;)

the mother was frickin crazy and i loved it. the name of the actress escapes me right now and i'm too lazy to check imdb for it but she was awesome. she reminded me of the mother in psycho. *chills*

the french actor - whom i recall i'd seen in ocean's 12 (or was it 13?) as the thief who slipped and slid through the floors of some museum - was really scary and gross and horny as the instructor who feels up natalie and gets to make out with both her and mila. his role was really vital in the movie n- i just realized that because without his pushing and prodding, black swan would've never come out.

as like any other "out there" movie, prior to seeing it, i was discouraged from watching because it was confusing and boring according to some people. well, i guess i send off a vibe that i'm stupid or something because they apparently haven't seen my dvd collection yet. i loved the film for taking risks and for them to have paid off bigtime. aronofsky deserves a lot of the credit too. he stayed with his vision and in the process came up with a brilliantly-directed picture that everyone, regardless if they like ballet or not, should see.

be prepared to be pleasantly surprised by both kunis and portman as they are actresses who have had the squeaky-clean images back in the late 90s and have both been slowly veering away from said reputation. look out for a really steamy scene between the two after they get stone ass drunk. that really made my jaw drop. overall, it's a 10 for me =)

127 hours

i always do my homework when watching a movie: i read about it, i check youtube and interviews with the actors, etc. one thing i found out about 127 hours was that it was based from a book which was written by aron ralston - the actual guy who fell into a crevice in the grand canyon and was stuck there yes, for 127 hours.

what made me watch the film was curiosity of how he actually got out - his hand was pinned between a huge boulder and a wall. i did later find out that he eventually cut himself, or rather his ARM to get free. watching the movie kinda was like watching twilight for me. i knew what was going to happen, i just didn't know how it would look on screen because i had imagined it differently. but i wasn't able to read the book, so i had no idea how this story turned out.

i have to say, i liked the parts where he was talking to the digicam and just being spontaneous about the whole thing. he'd be teary-eyed through the whole thing and that's what got to me. he would also address his parents - based on flashbacks, he had broken up with a girlfriend. the hardest thing to watch was obviously the amputation part. danny boyle really showed everything. and it. was. fucking. gross.

another pro? amber tamblyn. she's one of my favorite actresses and one of the most underrated ones out there. for those of you who don't know her, shame on you! she was joan in joan of arcadia, she was one of the girls in sisterhood of the traveling pants and she's been on house, general hospital and buffy, to name a few. the role in this movie had screen time of maybe 15-20 minutes only, but she was still at her top form. good casting, there. awesome!

as for james franco's tour de force performance, it was exactly that. i was so impressed! it was essentially HIS movie to carry and he did it so well. there was no question that he WOULD get nominations/awards for this, by far, his best performance in any movie - besides milk (where he was just perfection, BTW).

this redefines definition - of life, of love and of humanity. it shows the best and worst of man but also lets you down a path of discovery ~ discovery of your own strength and perseverance as a human being and what would you do if put in dire circumstances. if you like that shit - man triumphs over adversity - watch this movie. if you don't, then hey, it's one less story you have to tell, right?

the social network

bought the dvd yesterday and wasn't able to watch it the day it came out because some idiot told me not to. sidebar: DON'T LISTEN TO ANYBODY ELSE IF YOU WANT TO WATCH A MOVIE. lesson learned for me.

anyway, going in to it, i had already been forewarned by interviews from the cast members i'd seen on youtube that the movie is fast-paced. based on the dialogue at the beginning of the film, i think they were referring to jesse eisenberg's speech mannerism - which i find very adorable indeed! =) he's the best part of the movie and it was great casting all around. andrew garfield was amazing. i totally felt for him. i even gasped when the lawyer was going down the list of people whose shares were not touched apart from andrew's character's. poor boy.

biggest surprise was justin timberlake's performance. i have to say, even though i'm a huge fan of his, i never thought he'd be able to pull off a performance like that! he was AWESOME! but back to eisenberg...

BTW, adrienne palicki just got cast as wonder woman today ;)

OK, going back to the topic at hand, i dunno why but jesse just snuck up on me. i didn't know who he was - aside from the fact that he reminded me so much of michael cera (who i love too!), but other than that, i had no idea who this guy was! then i heard him talk and actually listened to what he was saying and BAM! right there. on conan o'brien's and dave letterman's shows, he nailed me. FIGURATIVELY.

eisenberg has a way of charming the panties off you because he's NOT TRYING TOO HARD TO BE CHARMING AT ALL. it's natural. it's simple. it's adorable. and i think that that was what captivated audiences while watching him in this movie. he wasn't TRYING to be mark zuckerberg, he WAS his OWN zuckerberg. yes, they kinda looked alike; yes, he exuded that smaart-ass, condescending attitude which is not the right appropo for whatever kind of environment, but whatever. he was fabulous and that's what made the movie.

if you think about it, the movie itself wasn't highly advertised - zuckerberg himself said he wouldn't watch it but then a few weeks later gave in and had a private viewing for his employees at no less than the facebook offices in california. the point is, something so small and simple but vibrant of a movie as this deserved and deserves all the accolades and awards it's getting: from best picture to best screenplay to sexiest geeks ;)

last thing i'll say about the movie was the captain of the ship: david fincher. i didn't realize that i'd already seen 5 of his films (yes, i looked at imdb - sue me!): curious case of benjamin button, zodiac, se7en, panic room and this - the social network. if you are like me and you've also seen these movies, you'd know what i mean when i say that fincher doesn't mess around. he's gritty. he's straight-forward and he's unbiased. i love the color, texture and overall look of his movies. it's dark and mellow-looking. i can't quite put my finger on it. but if you've seen 1 or 2 of his movies, you'd know what i'm talking about. so kudos to fincher and the cast for their brilliant film and i hope i see more films like these in the future =) cheers!