young victoria

i initially didn't want to watch this because i thought this would be another boring old period film. proved me wrong because although it was about a piece of english monarchy history, the way it was edited/directed wasn't so boring at all! i wish ALL period films are done the same way.

i had already seen the devil wears prada and a knight's tale so i knew who emily blunt and paul bettany were. i didn't know the guy who played prince albert was though so i was curious. high praises are in order for her majesty, emily blunt. it's a tour-de-force performance and she deserved a golden globe/oscar for it. she portrayed the role with such tenacity and complexity but it was difficult not to fully empathize and sympathize with her (victoria's) plight. based on what i found out from the movie, victoria was a descendant of kings george and william. before she was 18 and old enough to be a queen, her mother and sir john conroy was trying to force her to sign papers that would turn over power to them but in her sickbed she refused.

she ended up corresponding and meeting prince albert of saxe-coburg and eventually they fall in love.

there are several notable scenes/moments in the movie i adore, one of which was victoria's proposal to albert. the way that it was executed was so cute and sweet and very emotional. you can't help but fall in love with them.

another was between victoria, john conroy and victoria's mom - victoria maria louisa of saxe-coburg. it was so powerful and i really loved emily's line delivery at the end. john was manhandling victoria because he wants her to give over power to him and be her executor for everything since she was too young to be queen because king william had volunteered at that time to give her extra allowance. victoria's line was:

Princess Victoria: [to her mother]

Oh, and if you think that I will ever forget that you stood by silent and watched him treat me thus, you are dreaming!

then there was the assassination and prince albert taking a bullet for queen victoria and how victoria professes her undying love for him and him for her and they live happily ever after. a true fairytale and it was so satisfying to watch!

business is business apparently

so i work for this company that prides itself on being the awesomest place to work at anywhere in the world, right? and yet the longer i'm here, the more suffocated i feel. i know sometimes airing out emotions online are not ideal, but i've got nowhere to go. besides friends and family, there's the internet so let's use it since it's at our disposal anyways. here goes...

my boss recently commented on a post i made on facebook:

aren't you even going to ask our OPINION on the matter? can't take a suggestion, i guess. dictatorship at it's best.

she commented the following:

Business is never a democracy. Rules were made by government for businesses to follow. They weren't asked for their opinion either. =)

then i said:

i respect business decisions boss. i can't seem to swallow it right now... maybe if i get the hang of it after some time. =) will stay optimistic!

to which she commented:

Great to know you will try to stay optimistic. =) We can surely talk about it some more when I see you. Maybe some clarification would help. =) Kaya mo yan!!

i was supposed to reply something along the lines of "i just thought we had a say on the matter" but deleted it and changed the reply to something more respectful and cordial to appease her. it's still a public site and i was actually embarrassed when i saw her comment on my rant. i can't help but feel like i was unfairly taken advantage of because i worked my butt off each and every day i've been at work and then they take away the one thing that we, i, have the most tangible piece of insurance: bonuses. i guess it wasn't really to take it away but a business decision recently made affects everyone so negatively that i can't help but be emotional about it. suddenly there's no guarantee anymore.

uncertainty never sat well with me. i hate it. it's up there with regret and guilt.

granted that i still have a couple of weeks to adjust to the idea of this new and improved system, i still feel like puking. it left such a sour taste in my mouth that i may not be able to focus as much as i have been doing lately.

we all have goals and dreams and plans. this? this was not part of my plan. and i HATE adjusting! i've had enough of it already from my last workplace. i adjusted and it got me nowhere because the politicking was so under the table and so evil already that i was surprised i still had some integrity when i left. i just can't shake the feeling that this is not gonna end well.

what pisses me off too is that she (my boss) said business was never a democracy. ha! the fact that it was even created proves that it was born out of democratic thoughts and ideas. yeah, but i do know what she was talking about so yeah she still has a point. i'm just stubborn. and i like that.

anyway, i'll probably not think about it in the long run not until someone brings it up again or maybe when i'm already doing it. but in the meantime, let me wile away on my sites and watch my show/s...

he's just too adorable, i could die!

the good ol' days

i'm writing this 3/15/2011 and i've got a BAZILLION of things on my mind... where to find money to pay off loans, what to do about my scorecard, how i'm gonna survive this next 2 weeks, the end of one of my favorite shows, the laundry, money, money, money... then there's the tsunami.

first things first, i guess. i have some priority issues and i wanna address them here. just to get my mind off of things. sometimes it helps to let it out... just not sure if i should let it out in the internet. but here goes...

i was a child who was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. i miss those days. who wouldn't? i'm the youngest of 3 and was always the last to find out about things. growing up in a private subdivision where there were guards ready and willing to serve, maids at our beck and call, drivers at our disposal and cash to burn - i was living the high life. i was 5. for the past couple of months - maybe even years - i've been reminiscing about my days in that house i grew up in. it was huge! 7 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, a huge parlor, a backyard that once had a pool, 2 garages, a sprawling frontyard and our green mango/indian mango tree.

i was lucky. i went to a private school that was accessible since our village was right beside it and i was never late nor absent. we would go on trips to the U.S. and out of town for the summer. my cousin also mentioned once (when i was older) that my parents would change cars like they changed clothes. wow. i didn't really notice because i was young, but come to think of it, yeah, we did have new cars every year!

when i think about it now, i get teary-eyed. how we lost everything so fast, i may never know the full details. all i was told was my mom got swindled out of money she had come across and the next thing i knew, we were moving out of my childhood home and in to a 2 bedroom apartment that was 1/8 of the size of my former abode. it was a joke. being the positive thinker that i was, i tried to tell my parents that i loved it there. looking back now, i realize that i lied. it was horrible living there. i felt suffocated, confined and trapped. yes, i had a good friend living nearby and we hung out a lot, but i was always jealous of how much bigger their condo was compared to ours. it was a nightmare.

and now that i'm turning 29 in a few weeks, i can't help but think and wish for those years back. i wish i could have seen the future and was a given a chance to change my present so that i would have a better life now. if i had a delorian and could travel back in time, i'd warn my past self about today and what i'm feeling and make her DO SOMETHING TO STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING.

at 29 i am broke. i've no money to show for myself and i am still living with my parents. in a country like ours, that's acceptable and is thought nothing of. i work my ass off everyday, but daily needs and some advanced purchases i've made would end up eating away at my hard-earned pay and i am soon left with almost nothing to make it through until the next payday. i'm literally living paycheck to paycheck. and yet i'm content. strangely enough, knowing what i've lost i am still proud to say i'm content. i think of people who have nothing and i am humbled. at least i have this netbook i'm typing and surfing the internet with - my connection to the world. at least i have a job. at least my parents are still here. at least i'm still alive.

the expression "you don't know what you've got til it's gone" sums up my life. i just am now realizing it. i live that quote. i am that saying. and i want it to change.

there's this podcast i listen to from time to time that was created because of a fictional character was too inspiring for tv that she had to have her thoughts recorded and aired on itunes. peyton sawyer is me. i am peyton sawyer. i'm the chick who loves angry growly rock, is a lyric girl and wants nothing more than to curl up in bed and drink hot chocolate while rain pounds on the roof. at my lowest point she's saved me and i hope to do the same for whoever's reading this now. i wanna tell you that it's all going to be okay. it might not be now, it might not be later, but it WILL BE. trust me. for a girl who lives by quotes and tv shows, movies, music and food, i do know what the hell i'm talking about.

this is the first time i've aired out this stuff and it's making me feel calmer now. i think it's better this way - ranting online and not really sure who's gonna be reeled in to read and ponder about the nonsensical things you've written. i think it's better that way. anonymity is heaven - it's like a huge, fluffy, warm comforter i like to snuggle and get lost in.

so before i lose sleep, i just want to say to me: keep the faith. it's there for you to have.

ciao.